Sasha was my best friend in high school. We went through all of the things that high school best friends share with each other. Told secrets that nobody else knew (even to this day), invited the other to our homes. Worried about the future. Yet, I always felt like I was more of a friend to her than she was to me. That feeling gnawed at the back of my mind, yet i never let it stop me from fulfilling my duties as a bestie. Whenever Sasha had a problem, my phone was always on and I would always answer. Dragging her out of her house when she needed to be cheered up. Offering my dorm room as a refuge when she wanted to escape her family for the weekend.
As usually happens, we somewhat drifted apart as we went to different colleges, made new friends, new relationships. One day, as I was at her house, she dropped a bombshell on me. She was dating this kid... that had made me sad for a period of time in high school. At first, I thought she was joking, because in her own words, he was evil! When it dawned on me that she was totally serious, I felt that nagging feeling again.
The fact that she would date someone that had hurt me so much made me feel like she really didn't have my best interests at heart. As she and 'him' became more intimate and serious about their relationship, I felt like it was best to sever all ties. I deleted her from facebook, deleted her on AIM, deleted her phone number and ripped up the numerous notes and poems we had passed back & forth in high school while we shared a locker.
This was all 10 mths ago. Sasha has been on my mind a lot lately. When someone is you best friend for most of high school and 2 years afterward, it's not the easiest process to cut them completely out of your life. I got through it however, by reminding myself that I stopped speaking to her because she was 'toxic'. I had enough time to come to peace with the fact that we'd never be friends again. I decided that despite how hurt I felt about the situation, I loved her when she was my best friend and that therefore I could never hate her. I could ignore her, I could hear that she was talking shit about me... But I'd never hate her. With that said, it was strange when she posted on a mutual friends wall 2 days ago, quoting a poem that I'd written 5 yrs ago. Then today, lo and behold! A friend request from Sasha. I sent her a private message, with my phone number and we've been text messaging each other back and forth while I bide my time and weigh my options in deciding if I want to bring her back into my life or not. I still haven't decided, and I don't know when I will...
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