One confession (last day of tumblr challenge)

The past 10 days while doing this tumblr challenge have been... Well, they've been. I've been posting my progress both on here (where I do most of my blogging) along with my actual tumblr acct http://shaquanamonet.tumblr.com/. It got tedious at times. But alas, today is the final day of the challenge, and the assignment is One confession So, here goes.

A while back, I was dating this kid Joseph. He was of a different race, but that never mattered to me. He lived in the same building as this girl we went to school with. I had known this chick for 7 years by then. We weren't very close friends, but I was under the impression that we were cool. One day, the girl goes up to Joe's mother and says "Today at school, I saw Joseph kissing a COLORED GIRL!" And, that's always stuck with me.



I know it's silly, and the other parties involved have probably totally forgotten. I always wondered though, why?! If I was of the same race/religion, would she have told? Was she snitching because she wanted him? Wanted to see him in trouble? And most disturbing, for me at least, were those last two words. "COLORED GIRL" Here we were, in  the 21st century. In Brooklyn, NY. And I was just the "colored girl" Joseph was kissing. Never mind the fact that she DAMN WELL KNEW MY NAME. She didn't say "I caught Joseph kissing a girl". Not "He was making out with Shaquana." Nope. In her eyes, my skin was the only thing that mattered...

My confession is that: her comment still bothers rattles influences intimidates . Her comment is in the back of my mind to this day. It makes me second guess myself a lot of what people say and do both around me and about me. No matter how hard I work, maybe to my co-workers I'm just the colored girl? Maybe, when I score the highest on tests, they think "Well, she's an exception to the colored rule". Her thoughtless statement made me realize that sometimes, for some ignorant people my value as a human being is based on my skin color.

Racism still alive they just be concealing it -- Kanye West, "Never Let Me Down"

Ooh, but don't get it twisted! I love being black. I love the African American culture that i was raised in. I love that I come from a multi racial, interreligous family, and I embrace every thing that I am. And I suppose, in some ways her asinine thought process can be considered to be my inspiration. I'm not 'just' the colored girl. I'm that beautiful, ground breaking, intelligent BLACK QUEEN! And my success? Just the icing on the cake!